A SINGLE mother has shared the heartbreaking story of how she found her young child dead on the bedside when she woke up.
Amanda Saucedo of Lorain, Ohio, was awakened in the middle of the night when her one-month-old son Ben began to fuss. Ben was fed by her in bed after she had changed his diaper.
The mother of two, a former US army member, fell asleep and discovered something was seriously wrong when she woke up at eight in the morning.
Ben lay lifeless in a puddle of his own blood. The atrocity happened on November 11, 2014, and Amanda is still disturbed by it.
Amanda told The Scientific Parent, “I turned to face my beloved Ben, who was curled up next to me as usual. Amanda also has a five-year-old son named Trae.”
However, there was an issue. His face was pale, his nostril stuck halfway down. I looked up to see Ben lying in a bloody puddle.
“No,” I muttered to myself. This is not happening!
“I picked up my 30-day-old baby boy, laid him on his back, and started giving him a gentle shake while shouting, ‘Ben! Stand up! Ben, stand up!
At that moment, I realized he wouldn’t wake up. He was already on his way out.
“I carried Ben downstairs and paced my living room as I talked to the (911) operator.
“She kept asking me when I was going to start CPR. Every time, I told her, there was no point. Ben was gone.
“He was stiff in my arms, his little hard body no longer like my Ben. I realized there was no hope. His absence continued for a few hours.
After Amanda was questioned by the police regarding her drug and alcohol use, the matter was forwarded to an inquest.
Amanda was added Did Ben feel agony upon passing away? was all I had to ask the coroner.
According to him, asphyxia usually doesn’t cause pain in babies this small.
And that’s when my whole life and soul were consumed by shame. I killed Ben?
“However, I knew that I didn’t roll or collapse on him. Suffocation is also known as smothering, according to the coroner.
For some reason, when I fell asleep, Ben choked on me. Nothing was restricting Ben’s airway, I told him. In the event that his mouth and nose were uncovered, how did this occur? I didn’t get it.
“Even though the detective was really friendly, I felt like they were searching for something wrong with me, like I did something to make myself fall asleep for a very long period. But there was nothing in sight.
“This marks my day of damnation.” That story would be the worst to tell. Furthermore, it doesn’t seem to get any easier.
Ben’s cause of death, albeit unsupported by any evidence, was listed as positional “asphyxiation owing to dangerous sleep settings.”
Amanda states, “I was furious and obsessed by guilt” in reference to the choice.
Naturally, when something like this does happen, other people automatically want to pass judgment and make assumptions about what might have gone wrong.
“It’s just those who use drugs, drink, or are obese who have accidents in bed, right?
“It is certain that this parent or caregiver did not follow the safe sleep guidelines recommended by the esteemed attachment parenting physicians.
The rest of the world is always searching for something wrong, for whatever justification they can cling to in order to hold onto their illusion that they would never go through this.
“A healthy baby doesn’t just die, right? Sadly, they do. My personal did as well.
Amanda is now speaking out in an effort to raise awareness about SIDS, SUDI, and the potential dangers of sharing a bed with a tiny child.
“Losing a child is both upsetting and upsetting,” she said. It is dejected and furious.
Grief raises all of the conflicting feelings at once. I would stop at nothing to save others from this suffering.
When this occurs, you lose both yourself and your child. There will always be two halves to life: the time before and the time after your child passes away. You evolve with time.
“I feel it is my duty to inform parents about good sleeping habits since Ben passed away. The information is welcomed, but not always.
“There is a ton of information available online regarding safe bed sharing. Now that Ben is gone, I can’t agree with it.
Science has shown time and time again that a newborn sharing a bed is at risk for SIDS or SUID.
Many people tell me that if their baby were to unexpectedly die while they were sleeping, they would rather have their child with them than by themselves. I would also have to disagree with that.
“I’ll never know if my child would be alive today if he had been left to sleep by himself, and I’ll take that with me to my grave.”
“I think that I wouldn’t have to deal with such ongoing guilt and uncertainty if Ben had died when I was following the ABCs of safe sleep.
Was it possible to prevent his death? Maybe I’ll never learn. But I wouldn’t wish this sense of shame or irrationality on anyone.
By giving new parents Benny Bears and a little story penned by her kid, Amanda raises awareness.
